Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Seasonal promise...

  I've been feeling kind of...hopeful about September the past few days.  As if maybe something great is about to happen if I just...let it.  Which would probably involve getting off my butt slightly.  I do have a few things planned for this month, but it's more than that.  Like the feeling that it's time to start steering my life in a more positive, productive, purposeful direction.  When I noticed that Claire was feeling the same way, it got the wheels in my head ticking a bit quicker.  For a while now, I've felt like I was just being pushed along at a leisurely pace, not being challenged but not particularly caring either.  Anyone know what I mean?

  I feel like being creative again, although I'm not exactly sure how.  At school I excelled in creative subjects - art and craft and design (technical) were my favourite, even if I never really followed up on that after leaving college.  I know I'm not a strong writer, nor do I really have any desire to be (my childhood dreams of being an author had dimmed way before I failed Higher English for not critiquing a book the 'proper way').  I'm reasonable with a camera, but not in any special unique way.  Same goes for drawing.  And painting.  And even crafting - I have a longing to learn more knitting techniques but somehow have never got round to it, after 20 years I think I should probably at least have learned a basic cable pattern though...

  However I am looking forward to pushing myself in a few areas.  By nature I'm not a very outgoing person so certain things really require my full determination to happen!  Don't get me wrong, I'm not quiet or one to hold back on the truth, or even afraid of the unknown, but big changes to my routine are not usually welcome...  This weekend I read about 'clinging to that which I need to let go of' and it made total sense.  THAT is the position I'm in.  The only thing is I'm not quite sure that I WANT to let go of all the stuff holding me back from being a better person.  Isn't that a bit ridiculous?  Just ask my mum though - I don't like change, even the good kind!  I over think stupid things, and barely give brain time to stuff I really should be focussing on.

  While I don't have a specific, set in stone list of actions I need to take, I know I have some things coming up that will push me in the right direction;
- I'm going on holiday with my friends for 5 days at the end of the month - if I'm around people for more than a few hours I get cranky, so this will be a great lesson in tolerance and being more sociable. (my friends are all easy to get along with but living almost alone for so long has done me no favours...)
- My work hours have been cut again, so I need to really push myself to prioritize and say no to less important tasks more, especially around the more, um, lazy co-workers ;)
- Cubs starts again this week, which I'm actually super excited about, especially since I'll have a more active role this term.  I must admit I'm not so confident about the whole 'teaching kids to be better human beings' thing - I now know how all my teachers felt when I asked them questions and expected all the right answers, explained in a simple, easy to understand way!
- I signed up for 30 Days of Lists last month - and promptly forgot about it.  So I'll be pushing myself creatively in at least one small way!  August was the month of reading for me, and September seems set to become the month of writing, some of which I may share on here if I don't get too personal about it!  (Anyone else taking part?)

  I'm sure there will be other stuff to consider in the near future, but I'll take it at my own pace.  In a way it seems like a new year rather than just a new season - like a really good time to start over, or just improve on the things I got kinda right in the first place.  

  What's everyone else's thoughts?  Hopefully I'm not the only one that feels this way!



  1. This was a really good post to read Elise. I find myself identifying with the whole 'let go and push yourself' thing, yet I hate change. Been thinking about taking on some positive challenges too but my heart is not in it just yet...

  2. I loved reading this and I am with you on trying to change things for the better. It's a big birthday for me on Saturday so I'm setting myself a set of challenges to get done over the year. Good luck with the 30 days of lists, it looks like a good set of things to do as a challenge!

  3. I really hate change too but I find most things aren't that bad once you get to the other side of them.

    The 30 Days of Lists sounds like a great idea.

  4. Yes, I've been exactly there. In fact, when I knew I wanted to leave projection but didn't know what I could do instead - I ended up temping in a series of tedious but short office jobs which eventually led me to something great (and creative in a way I hadn't expected). I hope you figure it all out soon.

    And also, yes, it feels like the end of the year right now - it smells like winter and Christmas shows keep coming on TV, and I feel like it's time to start making lists and planning the next adventure.

  5. Sorry for the later comment (am just catching up) but I just wanted to say I really love this post, and I hope you're finding your way forward. It sounds like you are. I too have been there - I feel like I arrive at a new crossroads practically every fortnight at the moment! But I have come to realise that change and transition and that feeling of not knowing what's about to happen are actually AMAZING things - I never want to know what's about to happen in my life - it makes the whole thing so much more bloody exciting! Lots of love to you, and good wishes and karma and all that. Remember, it's not going to turn out how you thought - IT WILL BE BETTER!xxxx

  6. I can definitely relate to this, things have been happening in my life the last few months and brought it home to me that I've now been in a stopgap job for almost six years and things have to change. I find it really hard to motivate myself though and normally give up at the first hurdle.

    Hopefully the winds are changing for both of us, best of luck with your plans! x


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